About Me

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No Fixed Abode, Home Counties, United Kingdom
I’m a 51-year-old Aspergic CAD-Monkey. Sardonic, cynical and with the political leanings of a social reformer, I’m also a toy and model figure collector, particularly interested in the history of plastics and plastic toys. Other interests are history, current affairs, modern art, and architecture, gardening and natural history. I love plain chocolate, fireworks and trees but I don’t hug them, I do hug kittens. I hate ignorance, when it can be avoided, so I hate the 'educational' establishment and pity the millions they’ve failed with teaching-to-test and rote 'learning' and I hate the short-sighted stupidity of the entire ruling/industrial elite, with their planet destroying fascism and added “buy-one-get-one-free”. I also have no time for fools and little time for the false crap we're all supposed to pretend we haven't noticed, or the games we're supposed to play. I will 'bite the hand that feeds' to remind it why it feeds.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

S is for Shit Dalek

There's no other way of describing this model Dalek, it's shit. It's a shitting shitter of a shit-thing! The company calling themselves TCS Europe should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for letting this roll out of the factory gates and BBC World should have had the sense to refuse it a licence, not put it on their own magazine's cover.

To be fair to all concerned, you can tell it's shit by looking at it, they did nothing to hide its shitness, leaving the punter to reject the shitty thing and leave it on the shelf! It's so shit it's shittier than a shitty thing that's gone to shit university and been elected professor of shit. It's so shit even shit's afraid of catching something shitty from it.

What does it look like? A decorated traffic-cone? An upside-down ice-cream cornet, with a reportable food-mould? Flash Gordon's loudhailer? A 1950's retro-chic 'designer' reverse-kitch cocktail shaker? A bottle of fancy nail-polish? It doesn't look much like a Dalek, that's for sure!

There's no excuse for this level of poorness shitness in design (of anything) at this point in the 21st Century. CAD-CAM means even a cheap toy can at least be designed with accuracy; in minutes. This is beyond lazy, it's almost a deliberate attempt to rip-off, where there was, and is, no need. And the stalk-tools? Shittier than the shit thing they plug into - they're shit!

How doth one compare thee to a shitty thing, let me count the ways: Too tall, too thin, all round symmetry, bone-dome to high, too round, body domes/bobbles too small, too spaced, stalk-boxes are shit, stalks are shit, shoulders stretched, flat face, step'less base . . . oh ugly thing of shit, thy faults are legion!

Still, every cloud has a silver lining, and some of the stalk-tools will improve the old Cherilea Daleks; a tad mind, only a tad.

There you go, a shit Dalek, all the way from Shitsville, Shittington, Shitonia, and no, this isn't the forthcoming rant, it's just a really shit Dalek.


Paul´s Bods said...

That has to be the worst Interpretation of a dalek going..or is it meant to be an excited dalek ?

Hugh Walter said...

Yeah! Things are going from badder to worstest in the machine-shops of Skaro!


Jan Ferris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul´s Bods said...

Maybe it´s a Pinocchio dalek...or a Dalek politician with pinocchio syndrome?

Jan Ferris said...

"politician with pinocchio syndrome" it is amazing that they all don't have Pinocchio noses. "Better to smell out another backroom deal with, my dear."

Hugh Walter said...

Food for thought Gentlemen food for thought!