H is for Hierloom

Well....it's not a toy soldier! It's not a toy or model figure, not a military vehicle, space ship or farm or zoo animal, it's not a woodland creature, an alien or a Little Rubber Guy so what the fuck's it doing here...

...this is a family heirloom, it came over from Southern Germany with the immigrants I call great, great grandparents and is still with us. Recently given its bi-decade soaking with linseed oil, its smelling a bit fishy, but will be there for another generation. Hand-made (probably by Great Great Granddad!) it has a commercially procured cat's bell inside the 'cage' and we used to love rolling it about when we were toddlers!

Luckily, I don't live in the same country as Donald trump so I won't have to pay for a wall round myself, but I do have an inadequate, insular, intolerant, small-c conservative (and big-C!), rancid little-englander of a cockwomble for a Prime Minister, so have to regard this artefact as evidence of my probably not quite yet 'belonging' to the village...although Donald would have to say that of everyone - not on the reservations - in his country if he was honest!

G is for Gratefull for what you've Got

So, you've unwrapped your pile of high-tolerance production, injection-moulded plastic shite and/or given a like pile to offspring, nephews or other younger members of you circle...spare a thought for those less well-off...

What an African child - converted to the Western Church - might find under his tree this Christmas, no actual tree of course, and he probably made it himself, or had it made by an elder sibling...if they didn't sell most of them to fat European tourists in ill-fitting khaki-shorts to get some hard cash in a usable currency!

Made from a Doom insecticide can with twined Coke-bottle tops for wheels, the ingenuity involved (and probably a bit of blood!) in these is lovely, no glue, no welding, no screws, nuts/bolts or nails, everything holds everything else in place with folds and bends.

There was a popular musical video in the run-up to Christmas showing on the soma-channels which showed one of these with rudimentary steering (lots of 'give' in the wheels) and a wire attached to the roof so it could be pushed along like a Fisher-Price puppy!

This could, however, be the future of toys here...the jobs aren't coming back, indeed Chinese companies are already moving production to Africa to avoid upward wage-pressure at home! Political ignorance is allowing the Right to dictate increasingly draconian policy, and the idea that Western civilization hasn't had its day is risible. 20 years from now things like this may be under the trees on our sink-estates, if they (the estates not the toys!) haven't all been sold to Arab investment companies and Chinese sovereign-wealth funds?

P is for Piggy-wiggy

Lazy post tonight - smallest is about 15mm in diameter - "Th'-th'-th'-th'-th'-th'-that's All, Folks!"

H is for Hand-carved; Coaster

Not really a 'Collectable' but something I'm fond of, I carved this by hand from a piece of Marble I ploughed up in 1983, the plough left some huge gouges in the surface which I sanded out by spending a hour or so rubbing it on the Patio while I had my after work cigarette and cup of tea! After a week or so it was half the depth it had started, but smooth on both sides.

I then penciled-in a design and cut it with lots of back-and-forwards 'scratching' with some wood augers that had a fine chisel end, not the right way to go about it but it worked, and has been with me everywhere since! It's very 'long-haired greebo' with the runes an'all; "Yeh man! Bruford & Howe, Tolkien, Anderson, Fields of Taliesin..." Aah! Childhood huh?

Why was a small square sample of marble in the middle of a field in Alderney, C.I.'s? Anyone's guess...but...whispers...I like to think a Roman left it there for me to find!