S is for Shit Dalek

There's no other way of describing this model Dalek, it's shit. It's a shitting shitter of a shit-thing! The company calling themselves TCS Europe should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for letting this roll out of the factory gates and BBC World should have had the sense to refuse it a licence, not put it on their own magazine's cover.

To be fair to all concerned, you can tell it's shit by looking at it, they did nothing to hide its shitness, leaving the punter to reject the shitty thing and leave it on the shelf! It's so shit it's shittier than a shitty thing that's gone to shit university and been elected professor of shit. It's so shit even shit's afraid of catching something shitty from it.

What does it look like? A decorated traffic-cone? An upside-down ice-cream cornet, with a reportable food-mould? Flash Gordon's loudhailer? A 1950's retro-chic 'designer' reverse-kitch cocktail shaker? A bottle of fancy nail-polish? It doesn't look much like a Dalek, that's for sure!

There's no excuse for this level of poorness shitness in design (of anything) at this point in the 21st Century. CAD-CAM means even a cheap toy can at least be designed with accuracy; in minutes. This is beyond lazy, it's almost a deliberate attempt to rip-off, where there was, and is, no need. And the stalk-tools? Shittier than the shit thing they plug into - they're shit!

How doth one compare thee to a shitty thing, let me count the ways: Too tall, too thin, all round symmetry, bone-dome to high, too round, body domes/bobbles too small, too spaced, stalk-boxes are shit, stalks are shit, shoulders stretched, flat face, step'less base . . . oh ugly thing of shit, thy faults are legion!

Still, every cloud has a silver lining, and some of the stalk-tools will improve the old Cherilea Daleks; a tad mind, only a tad.

There you go, a shit Dalek, all the way from Shitsville, Shittington, Shitonia, and no, this isn't the forthcoming rant, it's just a really shit Dalek.