Yeeeeaaaarrrrh . . . read that again, slowly.
˅
˅
˅
˅
˅
If you are someone who for whatever reason claims certain sensibilities of a religious or cultural persuasion, who might be easily offended by nudity or adult themes, or who thinks he or she might be so offended - this is not the post for you, and you should go and do something else with this spare-moment in your life, there will be plenty more for you here another day, but not today.
˅
˅
˅
˅
˅
No, no, I really mean it, and if you are a prude, if you like to condemn people for what they do in the privacy of their own homes, or if you are the sort of judgemental, bob-haired, Karan-type who likes a bit of curtain twitching, who likes to keep tabs on the neighbours, or who tries to do the job of the local authority, police or courts for them - you can fuck-off too.
˅
˅
˅
˅
˅
If you are a small-minded, bigoted type, well, you might actually like one or two of the following items, but overall you'll hate the sentiments and most of the contents and probably lack the intellect to handle the subject in an adult fashion, so you might as well piss-off now, rather than give yourself a 'he told you so' moment, in a minute or two?
˅
˅
˅
˅
˅
So, some of you are still here, good-oh, because some effort's gone into this post, and I may never be the same again, sullied forever by my search for the more esoteric figures you might expect to find within the wider oeuvre of 'Toy & Model Soldiers and Figures'.
It is a fact that when I looked at the overall output of Preiser and Merten a few years ago, in a magazine style series of themed articles which happened to be mostly wagons and tractors, but also military, shepherds and beach-wear/naturists, I predicted, with the words "Don't deny it, I can
guarantee that a year from now this will have had way more hits than any other
post this year . . .that's human nature!" that that latter post would probably prove to be the most popular and it was.
Indeed, within days I had to get the whole thing removed from a wargaming site, where some onanistic damp-hand had copied the entire post, and it has, so far, risen to fifth-place in the all-time direct-hits table, which, as it was half-way through the Blog's history is quite a quick climb, and thankfully proves me right!
And I am confidently predicting here, that within five years this post will have surpassed it to 3rd or 4th place in that table . . . it's the same human nature! And all the wankers are still here too, they've just lost the ability to complain to Google!
˅
˅
˅
˅
˅
To that end, blatant nudity and adult themes, we arrive at this post, one of what 20-years from now will probably prove to be no more than two or three similar posts, there will certainly be at least one update, at some point.
And, most of what we are about to look at is just a bit silly, or mildly amusing, but, there is a racial element to it, and our hobby does attract some small-c conservative types, so it's best to go through this scrolling rigmarole, to - hopefully - lose them on the way!
˅
˅
˅
˅
˅
OK - I think we're there!
Stag toys, and similar items designed to titillate, usually sold to those we hopefully lost on the way here, who are, to quote Pink; married to 'Fat, psychopathic wives, who thrash them to within an inch of their lives'. Golfers, local council officials, junior magistrates, that sort!
It wasn't expensive, even with shipping from the states, which is the first lesson, if you are to branch out to collecting this kind of stuff on the side, as with collecting cake decorations, vintage baubles or old Christmas crackers, ignore the speculative Buy-It-Now's and wait for amateurs to list with reasonable start prices, or low BIN's.
And it would have had to be the 'States, we may have had our fair share of this kind of 'stag-toy', and we may have had a poor history of post-colonial integration, but this kind of 'Jim Crow' thing would have been a bit much for Edwardian Brit's, or even those early Elizabethans of the 1950's, from whence this came I suspect. They've even given them monkey-faces for fuck's sake . . . Somebody spent some time sculpting this, prototyping this, etching the masters . . . you know???
One could argue, especially if a pink/flesh-coloured one turns up, that it could be intended for a black audience, through black-owned stores, in majority black areas? But I suspect it's just for lower middle-class white shits on second-hand car-lots, to laugh at, you sort of feel Harry 'Rabbit' Angstrom would like this!
It is, however, both amusing (anyway) and quite clever, indeed, I bet there are earlier tin versions, and even earlier wooden ones, which may well go back to antiquity, fucking maquettes (there's no point in prudish language on this post!) are probably something Egyptian pyramid-builders made in their down-time?
Obviously, the trigger mechanism gets them at it, while the bottle-opener provides an excuse for purchasing the thing! Remember the Americans, unlike the Brits are a cellar-building nation, and those cellars often ended-up with a man-cave, where the lads would assemble for a beer, there must be loads of these languishing in forgotten boxes of grandad's stuff, about the place!
The push-button is under the plinth on this one, and my comments on the bed-bound dude lower-down, pretty-much apply here to, it's not very nice is it? And the box-art totally fails trading standards, like anyone would complain!
This - more for foreign readers - is a knock-off piracy, of the equally stupid (I just never 'got it' at all) 'Wicked Willy', one of those phenomena of the 1980's which will cement that decade as the beginning of the end of humanity, for all time - time which is actually running out fast, in part because of the decisions made, in that decade! I see the Devil finally relented and let Kissinger in last night?
Wicked Willy was the creation of a cartoonist far better known for far better stuff, he was a regular in the national newspapers and always had something genuinely funny, sarcastic or satirical in Private Eye, but then he decided willy's were funny! Now I may be doing the original concept (conceit?) a disservice? But that fact that it has disappeared without much trace, says I was probably right to find it all a bit odd?
Of course, at the height of its popularity there were a gazillion tons of merchandising, and with it knock-off's like this piss-poor effort at funny toothbrushes, I mean, the willy looks more like someone's attempt at a vagina, and he's got tits almost as big as hers? And this shite wasn't in sex-shops, it was in Clinton's Card, Boot's and Woolworth's, and not on a high shelf either, it's an awful statement of how base we actually are!
There’s another version, where he's wanking himself, presumably the nurse having been called away! Cheap and nasty, it has no redeeming features in my eyes, even the box is horrid!
Totally the other end of the spectrum, this has a certain charm or innocence about it, and I notice we have Gift Republic in the Tag list already (fridge-magnet / bottle-opener), this was an Amazon buy I think, but it's the sort of thing you might find in a larger department store's gift section. I think 'risqué' rather than erotic is the working word here? Poured-resin plant-pot spikes, and with racial equality rather than racism, almost sweet!
A couple of scalers taken as the collection (or sub-collection) took
shape, Peter Evans had no idea I was building this post when he sent me
the stag key-ring, which folds into a skull, and unfolds into a mildly
erotic nude, while the Marx figurine (here a reissue - grey,
prone figurine) is a stag-gift he (Louis Marx) originally gave his
cronies, I think it's based on a more neutral 'bathing beauty', who was
standing and had a more obvious bikini, although this poor girl has no
nipples?
Gives an idea as to just how big the 'clothes peg' couple are!
That Marx babe, with a couple of the QuattroX (Japanese Scalextric) grid-babes, we saw a while ago, these are definitely the tamer end of the whole exercise, and there are quite a few of the clothed variety, most - it has to said - also Marx!
We looked at this briefly after the Plastic Warrior show back in May, grabbed from Steve Vickers stall, and a more gentile stag-toy novelty, what my father (who had two 16mm stag movies, much to my mother's chagrin) would have called a rudie-nudie!
"For the man in your life"? Was this sold through Avon or something? Ladies (if you're here?), real men don't need this stuff in their lives, if they have you.
Pull on the little piece of faux-chiffon and the arms bend, revealing a naked lady who's plastic surgeon clearly hasn't a clue how breasts look, or work! I actually saw a variation of this figure at one of the Sandown Park shows earlier in the year, can't now remember the difference, I think a skirt was pulled-up instead, something like that, and it was 'Japan', so some age to the idea.
She had garter-belts or a hint of stocking, but in a thin layer of some rubberised or rubber-sensitive paint which is now a sticky mess, only still is situ due to the limited protection of the sheer nightie!
And . . . back to the worst of humanity for the finish . . . oh how they would have laughed, those Willy Loman's and their shrewish wives? I sincerely hope there was never a 5 or 10, and anything over 40 is going to be pretty grim, the way this set progresses, by age, obviously, and obviously cocktail sticks - or tooth-picks? Beautiful faux-tortoiseshell polymer, horrid subject-matter.
And, on the subject of a potential follow-up, if you have some of this stuff, and don't know what to do with it, send me decent images . . .
maverickatlarge@gmail.com (not currently the hotmail account)
. . . with a name/nom-de-plume/anon' to credit, and we'll do them here sometime? They all deserve to be presented or saved for posterity, however cruel, nasty or naff they are! They reflect the times they were made in.
