S is for 'Soldiers'

I wonder how many loyal readers from the UK (or elsewhere if it was syndicated?) will remember, in the autumn schedules for 1985 (or '86/'87, maybe, elsewhere?), a broadcasting-extravaganza of a televisual production, with all the Reithian boxes ticked - Educational, Informative and Entertaining - called Soldiers, and presented by the mighty author of airport-carousel paperbacks, Frederick Forsyth, no less? A strange anti-war, Brwreakshiteer conservative!

Below is the promotional leaflet/marketing press release, which doesn't appear to be copyrighted, so I don't have to worry about the 'fair use' paragraph or anything! It is one of many pieces of crap in the stash which will have to be dealt with over the next few years, and recycled properly or sold to some other mug, but which might jog your memory of the series;

No? Well, it was a long time ago, and I certainly don't remember it being on the telly-box, despite staring in it! But then I had gone off to Austria (pretending NOT to be a British Soldier - they were neutral!) to do my Ski Instructors Course and be lectured into the benefits of regular colonic irrigation by a BASI instructor who had gone beyond Hippy, and was full-on nut-job, but he knew how to ski, and teach skiing!

 

You see, the supposedly 'independent' BBC, are not above getting so close to the Ministry of Defence (MOD), they can save a small fortune in extra's fees, by employing the British Army - for nothing! It's called low-level corruption, and happens in 'so called' democracies (favourite phrase of Trumpies and fuckwits), all the time!

The real reason Napoleon lost the battle of Wahterrr'looo, was not because he had the shits all day, nor was it because he'd spent the previous two decades killing the flower of France or leaving them casually in Egypt, or all over Eastern Europe, it was because the Allies had superior transport - heay; the camera never lies!

 

A-Company, 1 Glosters, being a company of somebody else;

 

"Form squares! And prepare to defend against cavalry!"

 

I'm in there somewhere, but I can only - now - name Benefield, Thomas, Carl Kerry, possibly Freebrey & Cpl Cordingley? Waiting, endlessly waiting for something violent to happen, the lot of the Infantry.

 

And you see, the reason we never got paid, was that the Army are considered to be paid 24-hours a day (which of course means they are well below the minimum hourly wage!), so 'didn't need' paying twice?

 

Prouse and Alan Greathurst? I have a friend who made her living as an extra, Natwest commercials, London's Burning, all sorts, and when she did a non-speaking role as body-double for the remake of Lost in Space, she made enough in eight weeks to allow her to emigrate (Canada), with her family . . . I reckon that the good-old 'Dear Aunty Beeb' owe me about ten-grand, more with interest & inflation, the thieving shitbags!

 

While we were in Kenya, earlier the same year, some elements (Support Company, I think?) were used in anachronistic kit, to do a WWII beach assault from Landing Craft, I don't know if it was the same production, or some B-movie which ended-up straight-to-video, or on the cutting-room floor, but it was another dodgy deal, using British troops for free labour, for profit! But then, so was building Daniel arap Moi's private airstrip . . . another story for another day!

Z is for Zoo Quest

Just a quick box-ticker really - not enough to photograph, not enough to say! I looked at Trek from Spear's Games the other day and a similar set with an animal buying/bagging mechanism rather than the stores-accruing of the former marks the main difference with this set from Ariel Games.

Zoo Quest was a BBC TV series most notable for giving David Attenborough his start in presenting natural history programming, and this licensed tie-in game will date from the same time, between 1954/5-1963 I guess?

The 25mm soft polyethylene explorers are the most useful thing here and the reason it's in the collection, they are a tad larger than the Airfix Tarzan figures and while technically semi-flats, th nature of the pose and the depth of the sculpting means they could paint-up quite well with 25/28mm role-playing figures.

I got to thinking about Ariel's title with this game being TV related as was the Gillette Cup televised by the BBC for many years (cricket game we've seen here passim), and it struck me they might have been named for the aerials (different spelling) down-which TV signals were sent?

It turns out that while there's no evidence for such (they were a division of Philmar Publishing, eventually bought by Gibson's), they did produce a large number of mostly children's television program related card games (snap, happy families etc), featuring both ITV and BBC staples of the late 1950's and the 1960's, so it may be the reason . . . I like the idea it might be!

S is for Shit Dalek

There's no other way of describing this model Dalek, it's shit. It's a shitting shitter of a shit-thing! The company calling themselves TCS Europe should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for letting this roll out of the factory gates and BBC World should have had the sense to refuse it a licence, not put it on their own magazine's cover.

To be fair to all concerned, you can tell it's shit by looking at it, they did nothing to hide its shitness, leaving the punter to reject the shitty thing and leave it on the shelf! It's so shit it's shittier than a shitty thing that's gone to shit university and been elected professor of shit. It's so shit even shit's afraid of catching something shitty from it.

What does it look like? A decorated traffic-cone? An upside-down ice-cream cornet, with a reportable food-mould? Flash Gordon's loudhailer? A 1950's retro-chic 'designer' reverse-kitch cocktail shaker? A bottle of fancy nail-polish? It doesn't look much like a Dalek, that's for sure!

There's no excuse for this level of poorness shitness in design (of anything) at this point in the 21st Century. CAD-CAM means even a cheap toy can at least be designed with accuracy; in minutes. This is beyond lazy, it's almost a deliberate attempt to rip-off, where there was, and is, no need. And the stalk-tools? Shittier than the shit thing they plug into - they're shit!

How doth one compare thee to a shitty thing, let me count the ways: Too tall, too thin, all round symmetry, bone-dome to high, too round, body domes/bobbles too small, too spaced, stalk-boxes are shit, stalks are shit, shoulders stretched, flat face, step'less base . . . oh ugly thing of shit, thy faults are legion!

Still, every cloud has a silver lining, and some of the stalk-tools will improve the old Cherilea Daleks; a tad mind, only a tad.

There you go, a shit Dalek, all the way from Shitsville, Shittington, Shitonia, and no, this isn't the forthcoming rant, it's just a really shit Dalek.

R is for Rag....and Tag & Bobtail!

To Sandown Park Toy Fair yesterday, where I shot more stuff for future posts, including these three little chaps...

Manufactured in hollow-cast lead by Sacul, these are the three main characters from a glove/hand-puppet show which was part of the old BBC daytime thread 'Watch With Mother' in the late 1950's and early 60's. As such the bottom halves must be invention, but they've (Sacul) managed to get the glove-like posture of Rag, so he's not just a generic rat, and remains recognisable as the child's favourite!

Pink Lego

Three cheers to the person who put the pink Lego brick, in James May's house, the programme hasn't finished yet and he's all ready annoyed me at least 3 times...It's a Kiddycraft design and they won the court case to prove it! Stop using taxpayers money to produce 1 hour adverts for companies who's products you don't understand!