F is for Follow-up - 'Street Furniture'

I should have posted this ages ago, and I've probably opened the file, or scrolled past/through it in Picasa dozens of times, but it is a fact that of the 7, 8, probably 900-odd folders in the long queue, I do have a tendency to faff, to procrastinate or to find some subconscious fault that keeps whatever it is, in the queue, rather than getting it on the Blog!

 

Anyway here it is, and it's not a follow-up to the dinosaurs the other day, but to whatever I posted last time, which was I think the previous summer's Fleet 'thing' posted late, and was spotted in the wild, the other side of the pond by Brian Berke. And at some personal risk to himself, as Hippo's kill more humans than any other animals, every year (except Man, of course), but this one looks pretty harmless!

Heehee! Isn't it brilliant! It's a plastic figure, guys & girls, if you collect Marx Disney or Cherilea Diddy Men, you can't get sniffy about a seven-foot hippo in a tutu! Very atmospheric photographs as well. If I had a tenth, nay, a hundredth of Elon Musk's money I'd have this stuff, and the dino's and the nutcrackers, and the giraffes all over my estate! Cheer Brian, sorry it took so long to post!

F is for Fleet Fell Flat!

Like Never Before!

This summer just past's hook for getting people up the High Street during the quiet month of August was very disappointing compared to previous years, and the reason seemed to be corporate laziness, relying on 'the Internet' to make the job easy?

Instead of a search for ten dinosaurs, ticking them off in your little guide-book/leaflet thing, as was the case in previous years, there were only three dinosaur models, some interactive crap, a post-box for a colouring competition (but no colouring sheets!) and a complete lack of interest in the task at hand, from Fleet BID, some retailer-funded marketing gimmick, like the old trade associations, or chamber's of commerce, but with money-grubbing Tory dogma written all over it!

You get the same problem everywhere now, we saw it here with the party covering the World's Apart - Horrible Histories figures a few years ago, young things, full of enthusiasm (and a still wet degree in marketing) on the phone, or in eMails, but with no knowledge or love of the product, losing interest and giving-up far too soon, because it’s not their product, it's not their problem and it's not their money . . .whack an invoice in, for services-rendered, and move on!

The annoyance was that everyone, including me, was still going to the council box-office to ask about the flyer, they said "We haven't got any this year, try the Library?", as it happens the library is next door, so off to them, they say "We've had loads of people asking, but we've been given no literature this year, and there's nothing on the website! But someone yesterday said there's something in the photographic shop?".

Then off to Kevin Wibbly (I think he's called, the only hint of 'community' I have - in this Stepford dormitory - is half-knowing the name of the owner of the photographic shop!) we go, where his assistant points out that yes, they do have an unhelpful flyer in the door-glass, but she knows nothing, and has been sending everyone who asks, up to the Library!

At this point, you can lose the will to live, but my life at the moment is the odd minutes of panic and a few hours of worry interspersed with a lot of spare-time, and this was that afternoon, where an answer would be found!

First thing to do was head on to the 'Glass Menagerie' as Mum's generation call it, our itty-bitty excuse for a mall, where there is usually one of the model dinosaurs/wild animals/nutcrackers situated, only to find that the station is unmanned, and there are no flyers, no colouring sheets and no model dinosaur, just an enlarged version of the window flyer!

So . . . off to the internet, ladies and gentlemen, off to get to the bottom of this phuqfest of ineptitude!

Opposite the Library, it was the Velociraptor which alerted me to the fact that this summers 'retail event' had started. It was a very good model, reflecting the very latest thinking on feathered dinosaurs, as is currently coming from the finds, out of the smooth sedimentary beds in the Gobi Desert.

Call Me Karen!

So, I found the Fleet BID Faceplant page, and the following exchange took place;

Me - So, I asked for the dinosaur map/leaflet at the Harlington Centre, they sent me to the Library, the Library had had dozens of enquiries but no promotional paperwork, then someone suggested Kevin Wibbly at the camera shop, his assistant has had to turn away six people today, and they got their poster late! Where are the dinosaurs, where is the map, where are the painting things, why do you need a QR-code reader (not everyone has a bloody i-phone) and what's going on? Get leaflets to the library! Get leaflets somewhere, anywhere, there are none with the picture post box in the shopping centre, nor is there a dinosaur? Get a grip . . . thank god it's gullible traders' money, not taxpayers!

Fleet Bid Spokesperson - There are four elements to this summer's activities which are all detailed on our website: [link] The colouring sheets can be downloaded from this webpage. The shopping centre have some and we will also be delivering some to cafes etc who have spare space to display them this afternoon.

There isn't a trail booklet as the Augmented Reality trail is QR-code based so does require a phone with the ability to scan a QR code. The ten locations are detailed on our website with a map and by scanning one of the locations this opens up the entire trail. The trail posters were delivered to businesses on 29th July.

There are 3 large selfie dinosaurs (at Pedal Heaven, by Sainsbury's and by [redacted to prevent publicity - tossers]) - again these are listed on the website. These were meant to have signs which explained the trail but unfortunately we only received the signs this morning.

There will be a dinosaur show on the weekend of 19th and 20th August with more details to be shared once we've finalised show timings.

Me - There were no colouring sheets in the precinct at 16:50 yesterday, but that aside, you have established a pattern over a half-dozen animal-dinosaur-nutcracker things, and now you've totally broken it in favour of the posh Miranda's of the Blue Triangle, at a time when money's tight for everyone, and you haven't kept the participating locations up to date . . . there are dozens of people, every day for at least a week, already, going to the Library, going to the Photo' shop wanting to know A) where are the ten dinosaurs (there are only three?), where are the maps (there isn't one?) and where are the colouring sheets?!! Not everyone has a printer, not everyone has a QR Code reader, you're supposed to be encouraging people to come to Fleet, not alienate them!

Fleet Bid Spokeperson - More colouring sheets are being dropped off this afternoon. We have chosen to do something different this year with four elements rather than just one. We have dinosaur shows happening on 19th and 20th August as well as the AR trail and 3 large dinosaurs for selfies. This information has been published and these locations have been kept up to date and published on our website since the end of July. All of this is available free of charge to people visiting Fleet. We are sorry if you feel that this is not what you would like to see, but we hope by doing more things that are free and incorporating the interactive AR element that families would enjoy something different and have more activity to keep people entertained over the summer holidays.

I can't remember if this was a 'Dippy' or a Bronty (I think it says Brontosuarus?), but it was a bit cartoony compared to the other two, and much smaller, in scale, maybe a baby! Also, I thought it was a bit pink and mammalian . . . Hippogriff!

Conclusion

Now, aside from the fact that I'm clearly turning into a grumpy-old-git in my dotage (a left-wing one, I hasten to add!), and allowing for the fact that my interaction did result in some quick updates to both the BID's and the Council's Faceplant pages, and hoping the colouring sheets were delivered (I wasn't after one!), I think you can see where the problems are, it's all-singing-all-dancing tech'y bollocks for people with the right kind of 'smart' 'phone, time to be where they need to be, at the times they need to be there, and therefore suffering under the twin burdens of spare leisure time and disposable wealth, i.e., the 'trophy wives' of the Blue Triangle and the larger town-houses of Elvetham!

The BID spokesperson sticking to the scrip and not really realising how they have broken a contract, established by repeat actions over several years, and somehow thinking that for five- or ten-year olds, three dinosaurs in plain site, is in some way equitable with ten you have to go search for, with a MAP!

Our civilisation is falling apart, through the thoughtlessness, selfishness and lack of imagination of the establishment, unquestioned and not countered by the complacency of the citizens. And it was clearly going-off half-cocked, with elements not in place, late, you have eight months to get ready and . . . ! Phuq!

 

By far the nicest of the three, ONLY three, was this rather fine Triceratops, with a metallic, rainbow-sheen on it, like oil on water!

 

All this saddens me, as how do you get people back to your retail hubs, when you water-down the very idea you have been establishing over the previous few years, to attract people? And no sign of a Christmas campaign yet?

 

And, good retailers of Fleet, if you are subscribing to BID, can I suggest that if you spend the money on Sainsbury's excellent generic four-packs of mince-pies instead, and offer one for every purchase over £5, you will probably have a better effect on your footfall, than BID's shenanigans is going to deliver in a month of Sundays!

 

I must check the Library for their seasonal toy exhibition, that can always be counted on! Underfunded, and mostly volunteer staffed, what would we do without them? And the Tories have closed 800+ in the last 14-years.

H is for high Street Menagerie

The last of the 'Local' posts for Local People! These are actually from August 2021, they didn't do anything this summer - as far as I know, and they haven't done a Christmas one since I covered the giant nut-crackers a few years ago now.

But there have been some replacement Christmas lights, so maybe the budget went there? No blurb; it's really an exercise in clearing stuff from the laptop, and most of the animals are the same as last time, but there are a few changes (penguins and giraffe?), and I didn't get the leaflet, so don't know if this is all of them? But, they are figural and plastic . . . of a sort!

C is for Corsican Corsair . . . from Corsica!

A love story! Every International Talk Like a Pirate Day needs a love story and this is one!

I've known my friend Louise for 36 years, on-and-off, and she's like a big sister, far away, but I always look her-up when I visit the Channel Islands and we have a good giggle and catch-up on stuff, as you do! I suspect she's like a big-sister to hundreds - if not thousands - of islanders and off-islanders who have found her shop over the decades, and hung around for a chat!

I also knew her late partner Colin, he would occasionally rib me on my Dad, but without malice, Colin was someone who 'lived' life . . . to the full, and didn't have time for malice! I in turn would rib him on his Aurignac Liquer! [hope I've spelt that right!]

Well it happens that a few years ago, and not long before illness caught-up with him, Colin suggested to Louise that they go on a back-packing trip round Europe. Now, a gentleman never asks a lady her age, but suffice to say I'm in my mid-fifties and they had a year or two over me! But off they went, like a couple of teenagers! I don't know the entire itinerary, but I know they did France and the Mediterranean . . . at some point winding-up in Corsica.

The little port/village they were staying-in had a shop, outside of which was the below figure, and Louise rather fell for it, suggesting it would be nice to have one outside her little shop, back in Alderney. Colin - being Colin - offered the Corsican shop-keeper some geld for it, which the Corsican turned down . . . well, you would, wouldn't you?

Not to be thwarted, Colin worked on the shop-keeper every-day, for the rest of their stay, and in the end the shop-keeper gave in (if you knew Colin - you would, wouldn't you!), and a deal was done. This left two pedestrians with a life-sized pirate to drag round Europe! "Don't worry love" says Colin (who always had the enthusiasm and confidence of three men); "I'll ask round the harbour, something will come up!"

Well . . . Colin - being Colin - found a lorry driver who was willing to take the statue, and - after some work round Europe - would deliver it to St. Malo, on a given date, and the pair of them continued on their trip, not knowing if they would see - the now - 'their' Corsair, ever again! Louise thought they wouldn't!

A few days (or weeks?) later they were back in St. Malo, waiting to return home, and after some hanging-around and nail-biting . . . the lorry turned up! We can't begin to imagine where the pliant passenger had been, or what he's shared the back of the lorry with . . . fridges, pot-plants, fresh produce, a couple of pallets of die-cast widgets, four tons of leaflets for an International bank, pop-corn makers from Taiwan . . . we'll never know?

Monsieur l'Buccaneer was off-loaded, final payments made, and now our two intrepid travellers were stood on the quay-side in St. Malo with backpacks and a six-foot statue of a Corsican corsair . . . still with sword!

Calls were made, a return was affected by the live persons, and a day or two later a boat from Alderney dropped in to St. Malo on the QT and surreptitiously picked-up a ridged passenger, who was trafficked into the UK, armed, without the correct paper-work and under the noses of the red-coated Revenue Men!

As you can see, he now stands proudly outside Louise's Louise, where he guards the forecourt, being taken-in and put-out daily with a system of ramp-boards (he's not light, and there's quite a step); a permanent reminder of Colin's love for Louise, his eccentricity (which was undeniable!) and their grand trip together.

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

At 1:1-scale I'd love it to be the largest plastic figure on Small Scale World, but we had 'giant-lady' from Woking a year or two ago (more to come on her/'them') and she was 2:1! He's obviously fiberglass-reinforced two-part epoxy-resin, is hollow, and has a real leather baldric, steel sword and a wig of 'pirate' braids held in place by a bandana.

He's Colin's Corsican corsair from Corsica . . . Best Poirate Ever! Ahaarrrrh!

Or should that be; l'Ahaarrrrhe!

D is for Dino-viroment!

So, we're having a big 'ole local day for local people here at Small Scale World today, and if you don't like it; you might end up in a pie! There have been various events locally over the summer with some connection to toys, of which this is the most tenuous of linkages, but dinosaurs are a case apart!

First you need to deliver your dinosaur - and you thought they came in eggs!

A relatively life-size Triceratops is probably the star of the show, outside the parade of shops at the far-end of the High Street (where the equally huge hippopotamus was last year) and looking like he was fresh out of the paint-shop. He also looks like a harmless vegetarian despite the horns.

Sainsbury's get a Parasaurolophus (sounds like a 1970's Greek shipping magnate, or a charater from Tin Tin!) in whom you can see the ancestral features of modern birds far more clearly than you can in a triceratops, which just looks like a spiky cow! I mean; whatever this might evolve into, it'aint gonna' be a crocodile or a tortoise, is it?!

Nasty little raptor hanging round outside the bike shop during the day, Deinonychus patrols the furniture store at night - small enough to wander-off with, and let's face it, a lot of suburban gardens would be improved with the addition of a nasty little raptor!

A much smaller Stegosaurus in the window of the dance-apparel shop at the back of the high street is a late tick on the card the kids can pick-up to help them follow the dinosaur trail and entre the competition.

Another nasty little raptor, a Dilong Paradoxus, is hanging-out in the main shopping precinct, which in Fleet's case is more of an arcade, but without the beauty of a Victorian glass-roof or the lovely turned, planned, wood mouldings you used to see in such structures.

The Tyrannosaurus was very disappointing and not very Rex, being both the smallest model employed in the trail and having had its moth stuffed with brochures; you would walk past it if you weren't looking for it.

However - in complete contrast; I'm not normally a particular fan of the flying dinosaurs, but as far as models go, and as far as the other animals in this summer 'event' goes, this is a stunning model, and seeing a realistic one changes one's approach to them; it's like an intercontinental ballistic bird! And the parallels with the flying machines in the recent Batman movies aren't coincidence - there's nothing new under the sun and Pteranodon was under there first!

They - apparently - ARE delivered by egg! In the Bath!

There's another raptor; a proper Velociraptor, it's worrying how many of them are raptors really, suppose the come alive at night, I've seen that museum movie!

A kerthunkasaur! This one calls itself Ankylosaurus, why it feels the need to do that when I've given it such a thoughtful moniker is anyone's guess, but there's no accounting for taste! The huntin' shootin' fishin' brigade immediately put a silly hat on it!

Someone from the organisers must have had a word, as the hat was gone by day-3, but I think it's fair to say kerthunkie' hasn't recovered from the experience yet, it's looking quite traumatised . . . is there a dino-therapist in the house?

As this isn't a toy soldier post per-se and my critics have hopefully already gorn-orff in a huff, I may as well have a small rant while I'm at it . . .

. . . these are fun, and I like them, I'm sure they will bring a few (what? 0.02%?) extra customers (at the expense of a neighbouring town's High Street?), and the kids will love them, but, just because something is fun and exciting, is not a good enough reason to indulge in it for 'its' sake.

For instance, sex is (or can be) both fun and exciting, but, were one to indulge in sexual activity in the High Street, by oneself or with a partner, with or without the partner's acquiescence, one would - quite rightly - be arrested. The length of the list of charges following-after the inevitable 'Common Indecency' being dictated by the number (and level of acquiescence) of the/any partner/s!

There must be warehouses full of these and last year's wild animals and the nutcrackers and other such things (which leads one to the horrible thought that giant effing-Disney characters are probably somewhere down the line!), manufactured out of glass-matt-reinforced, two-part epoxy-resin plastic; an almost totally un-recyclable material, with a large carbon-footprint and which doesn't retain its full material-integrity for long under the elements; fraying at the points and crumbling to glass powder and micro-polymer to be washed into the environment by rain - a fate which befalls quantities of the sanding/fettlings from the manufacturing phase!

Anyone who has paid any serious attention to what the weather has been doing over the last 18-moths, five years, fifteen years, is probably now minded to believe the 99% of climate scientists who are - themselves - of grim-mind?

If we go on, just blindly sating our appetites for easier transport, for novelty, for entertainment, for frivolous-consumables, for turning mad ideas (a warehouse full of fibre-glass dinosaurs would have been a mad idea not that long ago) into reality, we will fail to save the planet from  . . . err . . . us?

Deaths from Asthma and other lung/breathing condition in London, in LA, in Kolkata would suggest it's already too-late for tens of thousands of our fellow pink-monkeys.

How about, we get the kids in local schools to make (or help make - with adult crafters) the dinosaurs, or last year's (mostly threatened species) wild animals - FOR the High Street - out of recycled products such as [as in my childhood] chicken-wire over wood formers, loo-rolls, card packing, carpet tubes, cereal boxes &etc., using eco-friendly paints and adhesives? Just a thought!