PA is for Position Available!

My personal assistant is providing no assistance whatsoever; her mind wanders from the job, she insists on playing with the exhibits, growls at the merest sign of forthcoming admonition, takes endless extended breaks far in excess of the European Working Time Regulation guidelines and wanders off without so much as a 'by your leave'?

 Case the joint

 Check flanks

 Aaaaannnnd . . . . . . we're in!

 Oh! What's this?

 Ooops, spotted! Close your eyes and he'll go away!

 More room needed in this otherwise bijou residence!

 That's better!

 It's that dragon again?

Are these things edible?

Anybody wishing to apply for the post should do so through the usual channels.

C is for Card Castle Comes Cut but Collapsed!

Part II

Continuing with Meri Meri and their not-a-toy centre piece, which seem to be a toy castle! It goes together very well, because I got a second-hand one I wonder if the purchaser of a new one might have to punch sections out of sheets, but suspect not because of A) the number of different sized bags in matching cellophane and B) the fact that the whole gatehouse section seems to be a factory-assembled 'sub-assembly'.

Four outer walls; four pairs of slots, easy! Towers are a bit distorted by the way they wrap-around themselves, but are held square (hexagonal!) by the towers once they are fitted over the ends.

The gatehouse - as stated above - seems to be pre-constructed and just needs unfolding (like a pop-up book) and slotting into place, however it took me a minute to sort out the chains so that the portcullis would fall as the drawbridge was raised! And - I never got to fully prevent the inner wall from showing at an angle.

Finally the two inner living-quarter sections with walkways are slotted into the towers; holding everything square, while a separate sheet makes the walkway behind the gatehouse, which is set slightly higher - like Airfix's 'Sherwood'.

A few closer shots, you can see that the fort (not a toy, oh no, no, no, no, no!) whould look better with 54- or even 70mm figres that the 90's supplied, and the battlement walkways are wide enough for fights to be arranged with smaller figures.

Even 25- or 30mm figures woiuld look OK with most of the details (look at the tower doors!), while cavalry in 54-mil would manage two-abreast through the gates, and at wargaming-scales three- or four-abreast would be achievable.

Although, while the collapsible nature of the fort make travel to gaming sights/nights easy, I'd probably tone-down the scarlet battlements with a dry-brush of something a bit grimmer!

The effort of setting up something like this on the lawn for a photo-shoot means that there's no way you're going to stop at the odd two or three shots you actually need, so here a few more! It needs a moat!

Remember, it's NOT a toy and Dragons are for a thousand years - not just Christmas! Look at 'im; 'e only wants to play - but those 'orrid tin monkeys, with their stabby, pointy sticks . . .

M is for Meri Meri Men; No Robin!

Part I

So; this came in for one of your Earth pounds the other day, not a cup-cake to be seen - which probably explains the cut-price retailing! Merri Meri's die-cut cardboard Brave Knights centerpiece.

You won't find this in a toy shop, you won't find it on eBay under 'Toys and Games', you won't (or are unlikely to-) find it searching for Toy Fort, but here it is, the camera never lies, and it's fantastic - for what it is.

You may find it searching 'party ware' or 'centrepiece' or even 'cake stand' and you should find something like it in a larger party-shop? It was originally £15.99, reduced first to £7.99 it then sold for 3.99 before being handed almost unused and definitely un-cake-stained, to be squirrelled-off by me for a quid.

I say all this not to show off (everyone gets a bargain occasionally); but as a parable for the modern age, it's a fort . . .  it will be a useful fort; for forty things like displaying toy soldiers and was never a very good cake displayer ( as its own photograph shows!), they needed to stand higher of the battlements, who thought it was a good idea to market it as such? It's even marked "This product is not intended to be used as a toy" in capitals!

They instantly lost their core customer base, people with toy figures looking for a cheap fort! As a card catering accessory; it was too expensive at sixteen-smackers, A centrepiece should be more robust, while a card cake display should be a fiver, and once it was a fiver - it sold.

Anyway - it's fallen into my hands so I can show the rest of you, and if you want one, you may well find one - heavily discounted - still around somewhere, although it was a 2011 release - this one came from a Garsons wherever they are or where (Google says - Surrey farm shop and garden centre!).

The expanding folder contained several crinkly cellophane envelopes with all sort of toys catering accessories; a dragon, two mounted knights, five foot knights, their cross-bases, three shields (to be stuck on to the fort) and their sticky pads (plus spares), four sand-castle type flags of the swallow-tail banner design and a fort!

The poses are somewhere between Britains' Deetail and Accurate/Revell's in appearance and pre-coloured like everything else in the set, the two sides being mirror images.

Thinking of the recent articles and feedback in Plastic Warrior magazine on the subject of left-handedness; the mirror-imaging means that they are all both, depending on which side you view them from . . . something common with flats!

Mounted knights - only the one pose and you see here how they are 'the same' from each side, just going in a different direction! They are 170mm under-base to lance-tip with the foot figures around the 90-mil mark.

The Dragon is very much in the heraldic (read 'Welsh') mold, although, looking at him; he may well have eaten all the missing cakes - diet and exercise are required there I think! Suitably friendly-looking (the Soup-dragon's cousin!) to not frighten over-sensitive brats in the age of the law-suit, he's also sized well for the figures, and his decoration is nicely understated.

Thinks - Yeah! Whatever!

I would point out that my assistant - despite having a whole lawn to take it on - has chosen to take her break on the soil I've put down to fill the path she and her son have worn across the grass! Who'd've thunked it . . . they wore a series of little holes in a line by always putting their feet in the same place.

"Bloody hell! STAND TO!

There's a sodding dragon on the South tower again!"

We'll look at the fort later, - it's not a toy; it's for cakes!