C is for Contribution Season - XVIX - Bible Stories from Brian

From yesterday's sublime to today's ridiculous, although all toy figures have a place in someone's collection, whether you prefer the flat plastic Muscovites and Mongol Hord bashing each other's brains out by the banks of the Don, or the rather more peaceful subject of today's post.

Although believers in God have to reconcile the genocide of the entire human race bar Noah and his family and the less than savoury (by today's standards) familial relationships' that must have followed-on from that deliberate catastrophe!

Better that humans meet for a predetermined reason and butcher each-other for argued nationhood (Kulikovo), than that a bunch of illegal immigrants get a pan-dimensional mega-being to help them destroy the product of generations of honest sweat and sweep away the local's city (Jericho), and then the next city and then the next, until they've stolen the whole country!

And then there is the evisceration of his (own) son - to save our souls by forgiving our sins.

Yet life is still pretty shit for the majority of mankind, even the Christian ones, while we are told we still have to face judgement and possible final damnation - for all eternity?

Was the sacrifice on the cross in vain? Did he in fact die for nothing - he seem to have? Is there a chapter in the Bible I've missed, explaining how the forgiven sins were un-forgiven again? Was there small-print attached to the whole deal? Did some soul-investment banker re-sell our souls to the Mafia for a night with a sweet, dusky maiden?

And then we come to the rape of Mary; by an archangel! But then Lucifer was an archangel so their behaviour should come as no more of a surprise than yer'actual, tub-thumping, celibate, bishop- bashing, kiddy-fiddling, priest and they've uncovered thousands of those in the last few decades, there's not a year goes by without some scandal somewhere!

The truth is she probably went off with Joseph and made the beast with two backs under the olive trees - they were married FFS! They did what young couples have always done, sneaked away from the in-laws house on a warm night and did what humans do!

It was idiotic, power-hungry men who wrote the books later - with all the bollocks about virginity in them - it's called sexism, you raise woman-kind up onto a virginal pedestal - to keep them down!

So - to the deaths of all the first-born because Pharaoh was a bit stubborn, after a decent enough period of plague, pestilence and famine had taken its toll of course; that Jehovah - he's just full of love, huh?

Actually this is my favorite figure of the four; it's clearly the first set of commandments he's holding there as his face says he's just seen Baal - the gilded bull, down at the camp-site! That's not a saccharin smile, that's the beginning of a psychotic head-fit episode that will see him having to talk to God again and carve another set of stones!

Thanks again to Brian, away from my cynicism; they are charming little figurines!